Dear Friends,

Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing.  A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the plumbing problems at my house and I described how the plumber rectified the situation by removing, repairing, and replacing the shower unit.  The whole procedure prevented me from using my shower for a few days.  I had to look for an alternative if I didn't want people pinching their noses and running away from me.  So, with Fr. John having been gone for the past couple of months, I elected to use his shower.

I rarely enter the other bathroom; so understandably, I have never paid much attention to it.  What I noticed this time amused me.  The previous homeowners gave the bathroom an angel motif.  There are angels all over the shower curtain.  The shower curtain hooks have angels on them.  There are angel's faces stenciled onto the wall.  There are also angel bath towels and hand towels, along with an angel bath mat.  There is a sculptured angel candle and another angel candleholder.  There is even a little glass bell with a little angel on the handle.  I've never seen so many eyes staring at me!

Now, I certainly have nothing against angels.  I love angels!  But I think the redundancy of the angel decor might be overkill.  I wonder how Fr. John, a former Navy medic, has managed to put up with it for so long!  Evidently he has become so accustomed to it he is oblivious by now.

In light of the Scripture readings this weekend, it seems to me that the same fate can occur within marriage - or any other relationship for that matter.  At the beginning of marriage, everything is new and exciting.  Two individuals, filled with so much love, are enthusiastic about their new lives together.  They begin with a lot of cooperation and want to please each other.  The idea of building a home and a family adds to the mix and brings them much joy.

Then, as time goes on, the ordinariness of life together sets in.  Problems seem to mount and the monotony grows.  Couples begin to take each other for granted or they begin to take note of each other's needs less and less.  While engaging in the worries of raising kids and making ends meet, the attention they focus on each other diminishes.  This daily erosion of the marital relationship can be a recipe for disaster if God and faith are not part of the equation.

A good and vibrant marriage requires work.  This work is multifaceted.  First, since love originates with God, who is the author of love, a married couple must bring their relationship into the realm of God.  Love is not just a feeling of attraction or closeness.  It is a commitment.  It involves self-sacrifice.  When two people sacrifice for each other, they become a reflection of God, whose love is sacrificial and self-giving.  Therefore, love cannot just be taking.  It has to be a mutual giving where both parties are willing to give to each other.

Second, a marriage requires fervent and faithful prayer.  The most genuinely loving couples are those that pray together and go to church together.  Amongst these couples, the divorce rate drops dramatically.  The priority in a marriage should, first and foremost, be God.  God enhances the marital relationship.  If you want to have a life-giving marriage, strive to get over the awkwardness and learn to pray together in some form or fashion.

Lastly, married couples should take time to do things together.  Do things that foster the union of your hearts.  I know many couples that devote so much of their lives to their children and very little time to each other.  It should be the other way around.  It may not make total sense, but when a couple sets each other as a priority by going out to dinner together, going on a romantic weekend, or taking a walk alone, their relationship will thrive and the children will be blessed.  Their love will pour out into the lives of the children who will feel much more secure because they know that their parents love each other.

I encourage you to do these things so that you don't become oblivious to each other needs.  It is never too late to start.  You can reignite the love that first brought you together if you work on it together.  May His love ignite the fire of your hearts and my he send multitudes of angels to watch over you!  God bless!

Fr. Paul